I was discussing the flare bear and how he controls my pain just like the central nervous system in my body. To give you a better picture of how I picture this let me try this way.
The flare bear is the boss in my brian he can control everything if he wants and has a master override switch to control the other feelings in my head. So just like in the movie Inside out where you have a bunch of emotions sitting at a panel wondering when to flip the switch and which one should be doing it ….I have them, but over and
above those guys I have flare bear that reigns supreme and has ultimate cosmic power over everything! You name it he can do it and I think he pretty much has done it. From giving me fake chest pains that sent me to the hospital, to flaring up my hands from touching yarn, to shutting me down after a night of fun with friends and making me suffer after going to a dance. Needless to say he’s not afraid of taking over from my little inside out friends. To be honest I think my little friends might be scared of flare bear as even I sometimes am concerned about what he will cook up. That being said how do you deal with all of the pain and the unknown with the flare bear? One word disassociation !!! I know that I started doing this early on, when the pain was constant along with the flares and it just happened. So did my conversations with my physio friends. I mentioned this earlier that I would be talking to them about trying to do something and I would say something like ‘we’ don’t like that or ‘we’ tried that and the pain was unbearable. I didn’t catch on that I was doing it until I had someone call me out on it asking who was with me? I looked at them and said no one why? Well you said ‘we’ so who was there. I paused for a moment and looked at them and said ‘Me and my pain!’ like duh! What else would it be!!! I’m not crazy I’m just trying to deal with things as they present, and back then they were coming in fast and furious. It was crazy living with the constant threat of a flare no matter if you did a small movement or a big one it was constant and the flares as you know can last for minutes or days. So to live with it a bit better I found it easier to separate it. I mean my care providers already put the wheel in motion with their questions. I just took it to another level. When I would see them they would always ask how I was and then they would ask me about my pain. It came naturally to separate it as it was being asked separately about it. I went with what I knew best and carried on. It was easier for me to mentally separate my pain from my whole being and find ways to cope with it better. Then to view all in one big package because for me that meant I could go and do stuff but that was my body doing it and if the flare/pain came later on then so be it. I would deal with (‘it’) my pain later.
I did deal with it as like always in the evening I would be deep breathing heavily on the couch trying to calm things down. Or put ice on ‘it’. But for the most part ‘it’ would always be dealt with as a separate entity. Mentally I still look down on my pain when experiencing it and I find that it helps me deal with it on a daily level. Has it calmed down since ‘it’ came into being? Oh yes but ‘it’ is always there looming over me like a fluffy black cloud just waiting and watching to see what I will try to attempt and how far I will push ‘it’. As you know me if you have read my blog I have tried to have some fun with all of ‘it’ because I could not walk around calling it, ‘it’. Eventually I named it as I didn’t want to be constantly saying my pain or ‘it. So I named him ‘flare bear’ ! He is my constant companion in daily life. My coping mechanism to deal with whatever my body decides to toss at me. It’s always easier to put the blame on something or someone else. So why would I choose to do that when I can blame the flare bear?? In my mind he has grown to have the features of a bear and he’s always hovering over the master switch (flare button) and playing with this friend from the movie inside out. This is the way I deal with my pain by putting a humorous light on it as he’s alway with me creepily watching over my every move!!
My Everest... 
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