My Everest…

At Physio he is still trying to get me to focus on my posture as when he takes my shoulders and pushes them into place and keeps them there my pain is better.   Seems to be a little bit less of it everywhere for the few seconds of time that my body is in the right place and then it creeps back to it’s regular spots and we are back to ‘normal’ again.  My hands and arms go back to sitting in my lap and my shoulders round forward as does my lower back.  It’s relaxed, comfortable, but also really hard for me to think about keeping everything everywhere in the right place, and it’s hard for everything (muscles, brain etc) to do it!  To be honest I think I already am doing it until it’s pointed out. Then when I try and put things in the right spots Mr flare bear smiles up at me and says oh?  

What game are you playing today?   Do you want to flare??  So on a car ride I was relaxing and just trying to sit properly with my arms at my sides and i was like ok this is fine ….what’s the problem?   Why can’t I sit like this for a bit.   First it was hard to do ….it was a struggle.  Second, if the interior of the car is cold… then we can’t do it because it’s a playground for the flare bear.  Third, when we go over bumps and the car vibrates my arms will immediately retreat to safety!   So I sat there in quiet contemplation as to what to do with this dilemma.  My arms wanting to go back to the safety of my lap or to explore other options as the brain is trying to do…but is also telling the arms we have done this before and the flare bear awaits. So whatcha gonna do???   Choose safety because you know cold and vibrations = flare bear playground.  So into the lap we go just like a baby into their mother’s arms!  Also you don’t want to flare in the car it’s the worst place to have it happen.  I just also realized something as well.  When I’m asked why I am doing certain things a specific way sometimes I don’t have the answer readily available. I actually need to go through the motions of re-living it before I can give you one, and then sometimes it might take a while for that answer to be reciprocated as I might remember to tell you when I see you but then we get lost doing other things or chatting and then it’s like OMG !!! I forgot…..thank goodness for e-mail as a lot of time when I flare up I just e-mail my physio with the sentence.   I’m sending this to you now so I don’t forget to tell you later.   It might be something to worry about it might not.   Who knows it might be the key to unlocking the mysteries of flare bear and if that’s the case you don’t want to skip out on any details!!