My Everest…

Hey You!   Yes you in the green t-shirt, stop giving me that look at me.   Oh and you 2 over there looking at me with your side eyes and your hand clamped over your mouth thinking that I can’t see you.   Yes and to the senior that is stumbling in front of me needing to be caught and now has their angry eyes upon me as I try to gracefully avoid this whole scene!  All of you have your judgy faces and judgy eyes and judgy statements already flying out like arrows.  I can feel them, and they hurt.  To the senior that bruised their butt and fell in front of me when I could have prevented their fall I’m sorry that I am not acting as a “normal” person should  and prevented your fall. 

A normal person would have just sidled up to you and supported you, and then you wouldn’t have fallen.  A normal person wouldn’t have been so rude as to avoid that whole situation.  A normal person would have stopped and helped, and prevented this whole scene from happening!   Get it “a normal” person.   I am NOT “a normal” person so take a step back and think perhaps this person has issues.  That you can’t see?   Excuse me?  How?   You look normal.  There is nothing wrong with you. You can do everything I can do!  Or can I?   Maybe you have caught me on a good day when the flare bear hasn’t come to play.  Or maybe I have chosen to be out and about by force due to appointments and am not feeling the greatest but have chosen to take some meds to calm down my pain so that I can manage to get through the day and my appointments.   Maybe I just need to be out because staying at home and looking at my beautiful prison (as I call it) is going to drive me absolutely insane and I need to see people even if it is you judgy people.  Do you know how many times I would go to my physio and ask him to tape up some external visible body part just so you judgy people could stop looking at me that way?  When I don’t do something or ignore something that you think is something that I should have done? 

People need to stop judging others. I used to do it too.  I still catch myself doing it and then immediately chastise myself about it.  Unless you live in my house and see what is going on in it and are in my head 24hrs 7days a week you will never understand my world.   Even my husband struggles to understand my world, and he’s with me all the time.  My kids get it and don’t at the same time but they have their lives,  but they don’t judge me.  If they do they get into a whack tonne of trouble!  I am very open with my health issues with my extended family and friends. As for other people that come and go into our lives well.   If you come into our home and you see me doing nothing and my husband coming home from work and doing it.  It’s not because I’m lazy and just want to sit around watching TV and eating BonBons on the couch.   It’s because I’m in pain and I am choosing not to make things worse and muster on.  My husband was just talking about it the other day.  How he hates the fact that people judge “us”.  I told him to just carry on and ignore it.  People like that are not needed in our lives.  The longer I live with it and the longer I see that you people are still doing it and the lower my ‘Care-o-meter’ gets.  Right now I know that this world needs a whole lot of love however people like you are making me not give a shit. I am always wanting to help…its not in my DNA to ignore that you want or require assistance.  The thing that’s preventing me from assisting you is my body and whether it is up to snuff to do it.  Think before you put your eyes of judgment on me or pull your gavel out!