My Everest…

I wrote a poem about pain not long ago and showed it to some people for their opinions.  Some said it was beautiful.  Some said why would you write a poem about Pain?  Why not? I live it.

Another started to read it and read the first few lines and said it was too negative and they couldn’t read the rest? Clearly they don’t know me well as I always try to turn my negatives to positives as I did there.  However, they went on to say that as a positive person they cannot read this kind of stuff.  Got me thinking how this person reacts if bad things happen.  That got my psychotherapists mantra from way back when running through my head.  “Negative thoughts, negative actions. Positive thoughts, positive actions.”  This is true, if you are constantly sitting there thinking oh woe is me and everything hurts and I’m never going to get better.  Look at me, I’m worthless because I can’t do anything. Then that’s exactly what you are going to end up doing!  You are going to end up sitting on your couch and watching TV doing absolutely nothing day in day out.  I’ve tried sitting watching TV and doing nothing and it drove me bananas!!!!  I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t even fold a freaking basket of laundry without flaring up.  So I walked a lot instead and I just did tiny stuff.  I peeled cucumbers for dinner and asked for help when it was too much. Yes you have to swallow a lot of pride asking for help.  Yes there will grumble on there side too as they will just want to do it for you.   Stand your ground and get back in the game because I found that gradually as time went on I could do more.    I spent one whole day using my physio’s pacing method making chicken fajitas wraps for dinner (including washing dishes in between). Just because I wanted to say I made dinner, mind it was stone cold and we put the wraps in the oven, but no one said anything.   I did it and that was all, and I was exhausted at the effort. Everytime I make wraps now I remember that day and how much I have progressed.   So when we are going through our journeys whether it be with pain, anxiety, stress, depression, alzheimers,parkinson’s, HD.   At some point we are all going to hit a point in our journey that it’s not sunshine and roses.  It’s very important to rely

upon everyone and everything you have available to you. Ask your friends and family for help.  For example there are many ways you can get support by simply going to your dr and telling them what you need.  Lots of offices are papered with bits of info about support groups for many things.  You just need to have the guts to walk into the meeting.   Trust me I have done it.  The people don’t bite, they are friendly, the plus side to attending a support group is that they actually support you in whatever way you need in that moment of time.   If you don’t want to talk and just listen you can do just that. Eventually you will find a moment in the conversations that you listen to you realize that these people are just like me. They have similar struggles and that’s when you start talking, and you don’t have to go into the dark recesses of your issues right away.  Slowly but surely like an onion you can peel away at it.  Remember Shrek “ Ogres are like onions…we have layers !” Same with people too.  I wish I had realized this when I was early on in my pain journey and I was sitting at home alone “circling the drain and looking down into it” my physio emailed me something he said you can either choose to fall into it and go down further into the darkness or get out of it and keep on living and I feel it is worth repeating.  I think you know what I chose even with everything I go through and everything that I know will be coming my way. I am still living my life the way I see fit.  Do I have rose colored glasses on?   Who cares if I do, maybe they will make it look prettier!