My Everest…

So I survived the Christmas-ifying as well as the De-Christmas-ifying part with flare ups that lasted for a weekend at least which has me assessing whether I will decorate or not next year.  I was spoiled for a few years as my 2 Christmas decorating-loving elves are out west now and I am left to my own devices with hubby to assist.  Someone who doesn’t know me asked what I did and they were like but all you did was take the decorations off the tree and pack them up.  What’s the big deal in that? 

Exactly! Flare bear, what’s the big deal in that??? I woke up the next day with my fingers all sore from unhooking the ornaments. My shoulders, well you know, are being put in places they wouldn’t normally be for me anyhow. Stretched beyond their range of comfort.  The neck is in there too as you look for the best spot to put them on the tree.  Only to step back and see later on that 2 or 3 of the same kind or color are in the same spot so you need to move them again. For me this is a slow process.  If it wasn’t for my hubby’s assistance in decorating the tree it would be a much longer process. But take down the ornaments, that’s all me and if it takes all day then so be it …..

I woke up today with a flare up.  Probably thinking so what else is new?  This one’s from doing a jigsaw puzzle not online but the whole you got pieces all over the table mess!  1500 pieces to be exact!  I wasn’t sure if this was a doable thing but I figured I’d try because instead of watching TV or playing games on my phone it would be a distraction.   But instead it has reminded me of the things I cannot do. The first feeling that came to mind this morning was useless,  and then I thought of all the things I couldn’t do or wouldn’t be able to do. 

My daughter is hinting at having a baby and I will not be able to hold it like a normal person would.  I saw my son playing with his nephew and I thought that I would not even be able to do the simple things that a normal person would be able to do with these potential tiny humans. Lifting them up in the air and seeing them giggle with delight as they fly through the air defying gravity is something that will not be done. I probably wouldn’t even trust myself to be left alone with them! No babysitting for me in the future without anyone else to assist sucks really bad when you think about it. I really just want to go and cry in a corner.  I am allowed to do that, am I not??? I tried to talk about it with someone and they shut me down…so I turned to you my laptop and put words down here in hope to make myself feel better… as the tears run down my face…I can’t just stop my feelings like a light switch.  I need to have these days too. I was thinking about trying out some hand knitting and perhaps doing a baby blanket but I feel and fear that it will end in  the same fate as the puzzle.  But I will finish the puzzle. I will just do it slower.