My Everest…

I have dealt with the in’s and outs of the Flare Bear as I call him as you know he sometimes likes to hang around for short periods and long periods and that’s ok for the most part because all of those times that I flare up now are explainable.  I mean shit it happens and sometimes like you see I know it’s going to happen and I make it happen (dancing) . Sometimes I do stuff as simple as kegel exercises and it gets me all wound up because it shouldn’t be happening when I do something like that!   So I have my little cry, then I inform the appropriate person of the flare so they know next time I come in what not to do, and we move on.   A lot of the time with my body (as I mentioned before), it’s a delayed reaction …which is not great as when I am in physio and they ask me how’s this?   My usual answer is I don’t know, ask me later!  So why is there a delayed reaction?   Flare Bear ?? please answer why you are sleeping at the switch and then decide to send wicked pain signals to my face and teeth later on??  No one can answer that for me except to say it just the way my body works.  A long time ago when I was just getting to know the flare bear and his capabilities he was really bad!   So along with pain he would send me into bouts of depression and it was to the point where I was functioning in total pain all the time everything I did was pain.  I felt like I was just constantly walking in a world with no end in sight. All I knew was pain.  A friend of mine who suffers from anxiety sent me an email and I really wish I had kept some of them because he had some good insight. It talked about how sometimes we get in a rut and it gets so bad with the negative thoughts; in my case pain that they just keep circling around you like water going down a drain.  You have a choice: you can either follow the negative feelings and thoughts down that drain into that black hole or you can choose to circle the drain for a little bit but you need to have the mental strength to pull yourself out of it. If you are circling the drain and struggling to get out of it. Please get help either from friends or wherever you can!    It’s not fun. I have been there and I got out with the help of my friends and family!  Love you all