My Everest…

That being said something had to go wrong  somewhere right?   Nothing can go perfectly with everything and for us it had to be dealing with our mortgage advisor.  Everytime I would send her an e-mail it would be nope I need it this way in this format and I can’t see this. you need to make it bigger etc, etc.

Everytime I would see her name pop up in the inbox I would start with f-ing her name and what the f-does she want now?

As that started the flare bear got happier too so I took some deep breaths and as I was dealing with the bank I mustered on.  Maybe give her another chance, things will get better.  Maybe I am overreacting?

My husband was like nope she’s over the top, and at one point it became too much and I decided to report her to her manager. 

He asked me If I wanted to deal with someone new. I’m like well we are almost done so no let’s not.  I mean shit if I’m getting reported to my manager I would be a bit wary when dealing with this couple? Wouldn’t you?  Well she was ok for the next few things and then when we were doing our mortgage review she went and messed up so badly that I was playing referee between her pelting incorrect numbers thru a webex call and my husband, who is beside himself trying to tell me that her numbers are wrong.

All the while I am trying to listen to both trying to figure how the hell we all got to this point in our lives.  Got off the call with the bank lady with the flare bear trying out his masonry skills on my shoulders.  My husband following me around the house saying her numbers are wrong!  I am just trying to find a place where I can just sit a minute and process what the heck just happened.   At one point hubby and I sit and we determine that the numbers she tossed at us are off by $40k. 

So I called and left her a message stating this is wrong.  Yet another sleepless night thanks to the bank lady.  I wake up to my husband still trying to figure out where she went wrong and I look at him and tell him you won’t figure it out until she calls or emails us.  Well she emailed us at 4 a.m. and gives us a run down and I look at the numbers to find that our daughter’s car loan was tossed in there.  As I start to review the whole thing I start to melt down. I’m in tears, pain shoots to a 10 and I’m a mess. I realize that although this is near the end I cannot deal with this lady anymore regardless of whether we are 2, 3 or even 1 step away from completion.  I’m also thinking why am I doing the banks job? When they are going to charge me fees for doing a shitty job?  While I melt down. So I email her back and tell her regardless of what needs to be done for now if she needed to communicate with me she could contact my realtor.  He took it like a champ when I explained.  My husband knew that I was going to be the one taking the calls and dealing with her was ok and he heard me tearing up…which is not normal for me.

So where to go from here?  Flare bear was over the moon !!!  I was not because I couldn’t just shut down and let him win. I still had to finish and get a mortgage and it’s now too late to go anywhere else !  I looked in my pile of notes and low and behold I had kept her supervisor’s number.  Yup, I called and told him we were at an impasse.   I basically said that I deal with pain and she’s causing it to flare and I cannot deal with her. Re-lived the whole thing with him and he said that he’s going to get another person to pick up the file, review it and call.  The new advisor called the next day and he did the tiptoe of ‘my other colleague’ and I just shot her name out of my lips and he said ..yes she messed up.  I asked if the bank could consider waiving some fees due to the issues with the other advisor.  Told me it was above his pay grade.  No worries I think I have his manager on speed dial by now!   I’m a firm believer in the ask ….you it’s ok if they say no, but what if they say yes and you don’t ask?  As I am dealing with all of this I went to physio all nice and flared up for him….these were his findings.  ROM (range of motion)  significantly decreased due to neck and shoulder flare up.  Grip strength usually around 10 lbs give or take, now registers at a whopping 45lbs! (he would like to think this is due to the increased activity around the house and the extra exercises….I told him it’s my anger and frustration at the bank!).  His takeaway –if you want a patient to increase grip strength, have them think of something that makes them mad when they do it !   Sometimes I find telling you these things makes me feel better but this time maybe because the issue is ongoing or the fact that there is everything involved going on…the flare bear is saying hello!  Last time we were happily tiptoeing past him now he’s the one saying hi.  What a difference a day makes !

A day makes a whole lot of difference but a bunch of them strung together when solid sleep is involved is even better!  So we have moved on from the bank fiasco as everything is fine with them now.  Flare bear has been lulled back to sleep I think (fingers crossed) oh I think he just winked at me! Cheeky boy!  We have less than 2 weeks before closing on the new place happens.   I spent the day tying up loose ends on the phone the other day so we are brimming with excitement.   Hubby and I went to the store the other day and bought a wagon for me!   So now we laugh that I will officially be a wagon lady!  Hey better wagon lady then leave it in the car for him to carry up into the elevator and complain! This way I don’t have to worry about if it is too heavy or not just load and pull and if I need to do more than one run so be it. The idea is the wagon stays in the storage unit and when I have too many bags to carry or they are too heavy I break out the wagon.  Hubby wanted me to put it in the car and I was like no… and knows what I’m going to say as I come and try to lift it,  but he lets me try because I always do! … looks at me and in a semi whiny voice he says ‘it’s too heavy!”  I say yes, plus I don’t want that thing in the car taking up space!  What do I need it in the car for?  I’m only going to use the wagon in the condo.  He didn’t want to buy me the wagon yet and I told him that I will be needing it sooner as I will be moving some boxes from our old place to the new just basics for the kitchen. 

As I was going through the whole mess with the bank the flare bear was at his all time high and so was the stress I found that my anger and frustration levels were also high.  Duh that’s obvious!  As I am telling you this now a week later my pain is returning not at the same levels but it does.   Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you are talking about something that is stressful to you and causes you pain that the pain returns ?  I have, many times in fact.  Back when I tossed myself into researching and reading all about central sensitization and chronic pain,  as well as when I was doing modules and things on my own for my mental health. I found it difficult to do as reliving some of this is not a cake walk, it can cause pain.   You are not crazy if you find the same thing.   The first time it happened to me I thought I was!   Then it happened again, and again…somebody might think you’re dumb why would you keep doing it if you know what it does to you?  Well knowledge is power, and I needed to know what was happening to my body and why as i like to call it is it being so stupid?  I also tried to learn the difference between a fake flare and a real one (huge learning curve there).  I asked physio if learning and reading about pain and feeling it are normal?  The answer was yes and then there was an explanation but that was a while ago and I cannot remember what it was.

I can ask my current physio but I think I would get an answer straight out of the nerdology handbook so I think I will wait on that for now!