My Everest…

It’s been a week since we have gone firm on all our home and condo…and we have started to pack and create many boxes to be donated to local charities.  I love the fact that there is just some stuff that is very minimally used but you just can’t toss it and no matter whose hands it finds it’s way into it manages to get boxed and labeled to find a home with us in a closet there.  We are downsizing so I have no mercy for some of the stuff that makes its way to the boxes.  I actually have an excuse to have it find a way there so as not hear my mom’s voice as to why did you toss that out you should keep it now I can say I have no room.  I am making an opportunity to buy something else.  Perhaps even something more to my liking.  Saying bye, bye to all the old crystal is almost like therapy.  Hubby is surprised that I am like, just put it there.  If it doesn’t make it to the packing table it doesn’t go.   On the flipside of this I am trying to monitor the flare bear and when I went to physio and I love that he can see me walking funny and know the state I’m in.  I can’t tell that i’m walking different but someone who sees you weekly with a trained eye is like haaaah! She has got 1million things going round in her head right now.   The train has got a full load of coal and is going at top speed and we need to get it to slow down.  First question…are you flared up?   Nope not yet !  I say proudly, and giggle.  Then he takes me to the door of destiny (aka doom)  and does my range of motion tests where they be not so good this time around !!! We were better last week (a lot better) but we weren’t in packing the house in a month mode!  So he kindly… always kindly takes my sarcasm and my arms and stretches and makes it want to do more.  Then back to the Door of Destiny (honestly we couldn’t find a better D word so it stuck) with tape stuck all over it and we measure again and oooooh it be better.   Then we put PTape on my shoulders and the progress on the door is even better!  Then he take my head and pulls on it while sitting telling me to breathe slowly.  Reminds me that what I am doing right now is running a marathon
( didn’t need to say pace yourself).  Says go on a walk everyday, and do what you need to do but remember to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and BREATHE!     (Because if you don’t nobody will, and the road is long!) 

Does anyone else disassociate with their pain?  Say things like me and my pain.  Or when I am writing or talking about it I go into “we” mode?   We can do better, we were better, we don’t like that?   I know back when I was working with my fav physio he was like “what do you mean “we”  then I’’d be trying to correct myself and be all proper.  I still do it when I am talking about me and my pain. Then get asked who you were with?  (No one, my imaginary friend)  I don’t know how that came about and why but maybe sometimes it just makes me feel better to know I can do that.  To separate it.   Until I started to writing this blog, the flare bear was just a funny saying that stuck in my head that I used to remind myself about when I was getting close to flaring. Although now he has a button and a face and my flare is now a bear and therefore I guess logically speaking we could argue that he and I are now a we.  It’s a quirk of mine and I do it a lot so if you see me going on about something and all of a sudden you see I change to we’s I haven’t added in a friend or two.   It’s just a party of me and my body, and we have been talking like this for many years now so we are bound to slip into this mode a few times.  I find I do it more so when my body is in pain.

Just trying to relax here and try to get off the pain train.  I have been trying to limit myself to packing 3 boxes per day but this week with not having my typical Monday as my ‘rest’ day from the weekend and being a bit more enthusiastic with getting things out and starting on packing I can see that all this is catching up.  Yesterday my arms and elbows were being weird. Today they are a bit better, and now my neck and shoulders are not impressed.  I can hear Forrest Gump saying: “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” and that’s exactly the case with me this week.   Just doing more than normal that is totally out of the norm and adding that into the daily is not working for me at this moment in time.  Plus I am just pushing thru everything, and that my friends is my very first problem !  I can hear that line up of all my physio’s on my shoulders whispering in my ears pace yourself, slow it down!  I think I will be able to do that when I finally see what is left under the crawl space.   Then I can look and sort and organize into piles of give to friends, save, garbage etc.. The other issue is that there are other things happening as well.   Needing to go see the new place and decide on the paint color which thankfully through the process of elimination we picked one!!!  Woohoo!   Measuring for the possibility of new blinds or appliances.  Lots of decisions needing to be made in a very short timeframe and it’s stressful, exciting and stressful!  I noticed yesterday that the hallway to our new place and the rest had like 2 or 3 different kind of lamps and I was like who does that!  Hubby’s like …because that’s an issue for you?  It’s not like you aren’t going to change them eventually!   This is very true!  The other reason my body is on the train is because it’s looking in different ways that it doesn’t like.   Up, down and all around MY neck likes to look straight, left, right, up and down only as far and it needs to.  At home I don’t need to look at the lamps or ceilings as I know what they look like already.  New place not so much! So we are like trying to jenga the body to look up when necessary but sometimes you just can’t and that’s when you force it to look….and that is never a good thing!  Hence why the pain and suffering today.  It’s like the icing on the cake!  Just putting me over the edge and out of balance.